It’s that kind of store

In the fourth grade, I asked for a gift certificate to a store called Craft Warehouse on my Christmas list. I typed up my list in Word, because it had better penmanship and spelling abilities. I trusted everything that spell check told me. I didn’t even read the suggested words. It was a computer; I assumed that it was smarter than me. I kept clicking “change” when spelling errors popped up, including for the word “warehouse.” My family and I still call that store “Craft Whorehouse.”

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Abstinence Only and Chaperoned Dates, part 2

Last night, the fine people of TLC brought their normal Tuesday night line up of two (!!) episodes of 17 Kids and Counting and Toddlers and Tiaras…that’s two full hours of watching life decisions I’d never make for myself or anyone else! The Learning Channel, indeed.

17 Kids and Counting, “O Come, All ye Duggars”

It’s a very Duggar Christmas in February! The Duggar family enters a local parade and and creates a living nativity scene as their float entry. Not to give away the end of the episode, but they win first place for the religious category. But how can you beat a float that had twice the number of characters as any fake nativity scene, plus a monkey, a donkey and several camels.

While Michelle took a van load of offspring to sign up for the parade, little Johannah sprinted down the driveway after the van, screaming that she wanted to go. I know you do, Johannah. I know you’re going to run away by age twelve because you’re already over this at age three, like when you screamed inappropriately in Central Park, hoping that someone would hear you and take you to a family where your father doesn’t go through two cans of Aqua Net a month and where you won’t meet your future spouse at a home schooling conference.

The oldest Duggar child, Josh, and his new wife Anna played Mary and Joseph on the float. As they curled up next to the donkey, holding the plastic baby Jesus during the parade, Josh gave Anna a kiss. Anna had the same look of “What have I done” on her face as she did on their wedding day, when they shared their first kiss at the alter. It’s the look of a woman who went from holding hands to losing the V-card in the span of a night, and still has no idea how to process the feelings, sensations or thoughts about the physical aspects of her marriage.