Excellent pick-up lines

The day after I got my driver’s license, I got reached another formative moment of my teenage years: getting blatantly hit on my a sleezy older dude. I drove my dad’s GTI to the little locksmith shop in the parking lot of the Fred Meyer in Gresham to make copies of the car keys. As I was parking, a guy in a large pick up pulled around back, and excitedly waved at me, and looked like he was saying, “Hey! Hi!” from behind his wheel. I half-waved, and shot him a look of confusion. Then I saw him walk into the back of the locksmith shop and thought, “Oh great.”

When I walked around to the front door, he ran over to open it for me. I looked at him and asked if they were closing, and he said no, and walked next to me for the ten feet to the counter. He was at least ten years older than me. His shirt was wider than it was long, he had facial stubble, and used some kind of hair gel. I stood up at the counter, waiting for this guy’s buddy to get off the phone and make my keys. The guy tapped his hands on the counter and nodded his head, and said, “So uh, gettin’ keys made?”

From watching TV and movies and reading books, I had been expecting a way better pick up or attempt at conversation. I was so taken aback by his lack of creativity that I couldn’t think of anything to say except, “Yeah. Just got my license yesterday.”
“So you must be about 16 then?” he said.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Well, let me tell you. You look a whole lot older than 16.”
“GET OFF THE PHONE LOCKSMITH GUY,” I yelled in my head.

When he got off the phone, the locksmith guy asked what kind of cars I needed keys for. I said “Volkswagon and Toyota,” and the guy said, “Yeah, she’s got a Volkswagon,” as if he was my translator. As my keys were cut, locksmith guy asked his buddy if he was still dating some girl. And the guy said, “Nope, I’m not dating anyone. I’m completely single.”

The girl who was behind the counter shook her head and laughed and said, “You guys are stupid.” Then she looked at me, pointing to the guy and said, “He came walking in saying ‘major hottie just pulled up in back.'” I said nothing, and just ran away with my new keys.

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