Thoughts on airports I’ve been through in the last 24 hours: 

PDX: 4:30am 

My carry on got searched because the two pound brick of cheese looked weird on the x-ray machine. 

Salt Lake City: 9:20am

Who still has a smoking area inside the terminal? I bought a yogurt from a place called UGrill. My cashier said thank you three times and told me to enjoy my yogurt. I really think she meant it. 

Newark: 4:30pm

Oh good, they’ve replaced the airtrain with a city bus to Newark’s Penn Station. That is efficient, because there is so much room on city buses for people and their luggage.