Thoughts I’ve had while writing quizzes about children’s books

*Monarch loves building sand castles!

*I had the chance to mention both underwear and vomit in this quiz, but I thought it would be inappropriate…I’m getting older.

*”Playful Little Penguins” would actually be “Dead Little Penguins.” Sure, they rescued the stranded baby seal in the book, but in real life baby seal would’ve tried to chew them in half and mama seal would’ve succeeded.

*Ballet kitty, quit being an insufferable whiner. Deal with the purple slippers.
*These five little monkeys would’ve gotten slapped upside the head if they were human children.

*Picasso most likely tried to nail the girl with a ponytail.

*Hey Ted and Betsey, way to make a story about an ancient Mongolian race ethnocentric by talking about your irrelevant adventures in a minivan!

*What’s the difference between “supermoto” and “motocross” racing? Very little.

*Matt and Maggie are rats. Their friend Fergo is a gopher. The rest of their classmates are humans…it’s kinda like in the Bernstein Bears where Brother got named “Brother Bear” before he had a sister in that way that it makes little sense.

*Sabertooth! Megatooth! Hindenberg! Random series!

*If it features talking animals, then the book is most definitely not “realistic fiction.”

*Why do the obnoxious know-it-all girls in books always have frizzy hair and glasses?

*These kids’ pet dog is a better student than them! Their parents have terrible genes!

*Why did Lucy Goose run into the woods? Her parents didn’t love her.

*I have resisted all urge to mention unicorns or werewolves, but I just found a way to make “attacked by river pirates” work for a fake answer.

*Parasites are the new cookies.

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